Jim and I had a conversation recently about masculine and feminine energy in our relationship. I think part of the way I learned to protect myself when I was young was to tap into my strong masculine energy. And honestly, I’ve gotten really good at it.
But damn it can be exhausting.
I loved it when this list idea was suggested because it helped me tap into that softer feeling and energy.
Here are my 10 things…
1. I love touch. Hugs, hand-holding, massage, arms around me on the couch, in the kitchen.
2. Remembering and asking about events from my day. Checking in before and after a speaking event, a difficult conversation, an exciting new client.
3. Surprises that show how much they “get” me. An oat milk latte dropped off at my desk, plan a weekend trip in a high-end hotel room, a hand drawn card or picture.
4. Asking for my support with something personal. I love to be trusted with deep and meaningful secrets and struggles.
5. Eye contact. Knowing glances across the room that say, “I’m here – you got this.” Or other knowing looks. Direct eye contact.
6. Keeping me warm. Bringing me a blanket, giving me their coat, starting a fire.
7. Sharing with me something they love. A song they heard, a piece of clothing they're considering ordering. My daughters do this and I always feel loved to be someone they want to share with.
8. Sharing with me something they know I’ll love. My brother and daughter have both made me playlists, which I adore. When Jim shares a sweet love story or family story from sports or the news that he knows will delight me. Sending me a link to art, a movie or books that made them think of me.
9. Making plans with me. Setting aside real time, spending the focus and energy to find a restaurant or hotel or destination. Whether it’s a friend who has chosen to do all of that with/for me – or Jim who commits to the full process – it feels like such an honor to get the be the person they want to do this with.
10. Time together. Chosen time, not because they feel they should. I love just hanging out together, chatting.
Now you: What helps you feel loved?