When I walked into my home office this morning the sun was blazing through the sheer drapes that cover the large glass doors. As I locked the door against the rest of the house, I felt one of those giddy little giggles arrive in my chest that I get sometimes when I walk in here. I love my life. I love my kids. And… I love when I get to come in here and focus on the work I love, too. Sometimes I feel this feeling so excitedly that I get this little giddy thing that happens.
But I haven't felt that for a while, so this one was particularly welcome and blissful.
The last few months have been hard core. I have mentioned this intensity in this blog a bit, but I feel like it deserves a little more attention. After all, maybe one or two of you will identify, and I could use a little connection on this topic. Sometimes this solo business owner thing can feel a bit isolating – even for an introvert like me.
I'm not even sure exactly what I want to say about this – except that no one really tells you how intense it all gets. I mean, they do – but it's like trying to tell someone how hard it is to become a parent. You just literally cannot know what it's like to parent until you have a kid. You can't read about it, you can't take care of other people's kids for a few days, and you can't get it even from having hours and hours of conversations with people who have kids. Believe me – I did all that before I had kids so I really know.
And I know it's true about business ownership, too, because I just realized today as I felt my first giggle in this office in a long time that I've been in one of those really intense periods that no one tells you about, because they can't.
By the way, this isn't about income or productivity or rejection or sales channel or anything like that. Or, maybe it's about all of that in some mix of ways I never expected.
It's crazy because I just wrote and produced this program that I think is awesome. It turned out to be way cooler than I expected on many levels. And I've already sold some of them, even before the program was complete. So, see, that's so much goodness.
Maybe it's just working fourteen hour days, broken by four hours of family and kid-time that both nourishes my soul and feels like I don't have time for it. I make up for the lost work time by not sleeping enough. Maybe it's the thousand decisions to make about book cover designs, interior layouts and marketing channels. Maybe it's wishing I'd go on those hikes and walks and read the lovely memoir I have waiting for me, instead of working more. Maybe it's being out of balance. Except I don't believe in balance, really.
It's not as sunny now as it was when I walked into the office this morning – and my giddiness has faded considerably. But I do feel myself coming out of the craziness of this last few months and I like that. I know I'll get there again, in some form, as I launch into the next big thing. But for now, I'm grabbing my shoes right this minute and taking my dog (in the photo above) on the trails. I may just have to work a little tonight to make up for it.
Hey, kiddo. Thanks for this post. I admire the work you’re attempting even as I know that I would NEVER try it. I’m not built for that kind of focused commitment.
Your post also raises interesting questions for literature and the arts. Can anyone ever share another’s experience?
I’m gonna get kinda serious here for a moment…kinda dark…but it will help me make my point. I have a good friend who’s a Vietnam vet. One of the reasons that we’re close friends is because we’ve both been subject to violence. People who haven’t been attacked or held captive can’t understand those who have. Though we may write and write and write, some experiences are ineffable.
Thank you Thank you Thank you I can’t say it enough! Thank you. I bought my brick and mortar business 2 1/2 years ago after working full time outside my home and full time with my home based business and I have to say no one understood just how hard it is- well at least no one I knew at the time. And to be honest I am not sure many of my friends or family even really tried. I still get the list of things to do for everyone else “while I am at the shop” like I don’t already have the full time job of at least 3 people if I broke all the tasks up. I too long for my hobbies and time with my pups and family but I am still in the first 3 years of business in southeastern Michigan and until I can hire extra hands, hobbies, sleep and friends will have to wait but I don’t mind. This is my path, my love and my soul. This is what I have been meant to do my whole life and I love it. I never have a day when I don’t feel like coming in even if I have already worked 90 hours and I have to push through 30 more. My love, all mine. So as I type I guess I realize I shouldn’t be frustrated with other people not understanding- this is not their love and I undoubtedly have done it to someone else. But Thank you Thank you again for saying it out loud for all of us because I don’t think as owners we do say it enough- it is hard hard! (and often scary), but I choose it anyway and everyday.
Hi Kake,
It is so relevant and meaningful – this idea of truly sharing another’s experience. We simply can’t – too many factors (personality, upbringing, biology, socio-economics, experience with violence as you share…) Yet, that empathy, the genuine understanding, if but from the other’s totally different experience is like a massage or a loving hug to the soul. I think we know when we hear from someone who gets it – and it matters so very much to have that. It’s what you get with your friend who experienced Vietnam, in your own totally personal and different ways. It’s what I get when you and Kathy below write me these gorgeous, heartfelt responses here. My life hasn’t changed much but I feel better, hearing from you both. I feel understood and heard. It’s a huge gift. Thank you.
Kathy,
And now for my thousand-fold thank you back to you. I may have described the struggles here first, but you affirming this struggle for me is a huge gift. Successful business ownership so often requires this extraordinary confidence and happy face. I so appreciate knowing that I am not alone in the roller coaster.
I really relate to your statement:”I never have a day when I don’t feel like coming in even if I have already worked 90 hours and I have to push through 30 more.” And I appreciate the reminder that others can’t possibly feel what I feel about this soul-inspired business. It’s *my* soul at play here, not theirs.
Thank you, Kathy.