Sometimes This Running Your Own Business Thing is Really Hard

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When I walked into my home office this morning the sun was blazing through the sheer drapes that cover the large glass doors. As I locked the door against the rest of the house, I felt one of those giddy little giggles arrive in my chest that I get sometimes when I walk in here. I love my life. I love my kids. And… I love when I get to come in here and focus on the work I love, too. Sometimes I feel this feeling so excitedly that I get this little giddy thing that happens.

But I haven't felt that for a while, so this one was particularly welcome and blissful.

The last few months have been hard core. I have mentioned this intensity in this blog a bit, but I feel like it deserves a little more attention. After all, maybe one or two of you will identify, and I could use a little connection on this topic. Sometimes this solo business owner thing can feel a bit isolating – even for an introvert like me.

I'm not even sure exactly what I want to say about this – except that no one really tells you how intense it all gets. I mean, they do – but it's like trying to tell someone how hard it is to become a parent. You just literally cannot know what it's like to parent until you have a kid. You can't read about it, you can't take care of other people's kids for a few days, and you can't get it even from having hours and hours of conversations with people who have kids. Believe me – I did all that before I had kids so I really know.

And I know it's true about business ownership, too, because I just realized today as I felt my first giggle in this office in a long time that I've been in one of those really intense periods that no one tells you about, because they can't.

By the way, this isn't about income or productivity or rejection or sales channel or anything like that. Or, maybe it's about all of that in some mix of ways I never expected.

It's crazy because I just wrote and produced this program that I think is awesome. It turned out to be way cooler than I expected on many levels. And I've already sold some of them, even before the program was complete. So, see, that's so much goodness.

Maybe it's just working fourteen hour days, broken by four hours of family and kid-time that both nourishes my soul and feels like I don't have time for it. I make up for the lost work time by not sleeping enough. Maybe it's the thousand decisions to make about book cover designs, interior layouts and marketing channels. Maybe it's wishing I'd go on those hikes and walks and read the lovely memoir I have waiting for me, instead of working more. Maybe it's being out of balance. Except I don't believe in balance, really.

It's not as sunny now as it was when I walked into the office this morning – and my giddiness has faded considerably. But I do feel myself coming out of the craziness of this last few months and I like that. I know I'll get there again, in some form, as I launch into the next big thing. But for now, I'm grabbing my shoes right this minute and taking my dog (in the photo above) on the trails. I may just have to work a little tonight to make up for it.